BOOK REVIEW: 10 Commandments of Dating

I really enjoyed the Ten Commandments of Dating and feel there is a message for everyone – including adults – when it comes to engaging the opposite sex.

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The first commandment is to get a life. Ultimately, the authors point out that by having a life you better understand who you are as an individual. Thus, you have more to offer to another person. They also acknowledge that many people hide behind computers and other devices to avoid engaging the world or getting a life.

“When you invest all your energy and self-esteem in getting a date or having a relationship, you don’t have a life.”

“Relationships and marriage are important goals…but they must be kept in perspective.”

They note that when you see yourself the way God sees you, it will free you from insecurity and fear.

“Self-worth is not something you buy, achieve or obtain. It’s something you already have. Getting grounded means embracing the fact that you are created in the image of God and have inherent worth and value.”

The book distinguishes between romantic love and real love. Romantic love is what Hollywood presents while real love is “not simply a feeling, it is much more.” The lesson being that couples should not base their relationship on infatuation but rather use their brains to evaluate the match.

It is also advised that couples not get physical too soon – this includes hand holding or hugging.

“Once you start getting physically affectionate, and especially once you get sexual, the friendship side of your relationship suffers and sometimes falls apart.”

Rather, readers are encouraged to write about the relationship, so they can clearly see the pros and the cons. This is something young men and women should do from time to time to see deeper into the relationship, according to the authors.

“This may sound a bit prudish or old-fashioned to you. However, if you have a truly open mind and consider the number of divorces, single-parent homes and sexually transmitted diseases that the ‘new-fashioned’ way of dating produces, you realize that the new way just isn’t cutting it.”

They are upfront about unequally yoked relationships and break them down into categories like missionary dating, sugar daddy, etc.

The book promotes a ‘Take it slow and get to know’ mentality as the best way to secure a healthy relationship. It authors note that character discernment happens over time and couples that rush to the alter risk ruin.

I really liked the chapter on abstinence. It was very, very relevant and speaks truths to the reader’s heart. The authors tackle seven myths in today’s world including:

  • All you need is a condom
  • Sex equals intimacy
  • You must sample the goods
  • And more

“Your sexuality involves the totality of who you are and the totality of your partner. You can attempt to block off your mind or heart or soul during a sexual act, but the bonding aspects…may slip in ‘under the radar.’

“Everybody’s doing it has only resulted in the escalation of STD’s, broken hearts, ruptured marriage, unwanted babies, not to mention a whole lot of grief.”

They shatter the myth of living together by honestly looking at why people do it: fear of commitment, free sex and insecurity. None of these qualities are what you want in a spouse, the authors note.

All in all, this is a great resource for teens. It addresses the challenges and conflicts they will face during their entire lives and equips them with reasonable thinking and a practical way they can serve God.

I would recommend it for kids 13 and older but it is also a great read for those in their 20’s and beyond.

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